TL;DR: Legally psychotic girly man, mostly venting under the impression this cannot be solved. Posted here believing if there is a solution or path forward this sub seemed the most likely to have the mindset/experiences/knowledge to find or have it. With this in mind, the exposition is thick and palpable. I'm a Dyslexic typist. I do not believe I understand grammar enough to promise a readable experience, from what I can understand run-on sentences and sometimes dangling participles are an issue. =^)
Key:
- The TL;DR first, because this is going to be a LLLOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG one, I'll try and minimize the exposition when I can. Time is an nonrenewable resource and must be spent wisely for greatest effect. - In order to explain the current circumstances and issues, I must breakdown all the factors involved. Attempts for reader convenience to the best of My understanding, have been made, I sincerely apologize for My lack of understanding to provide a more pleasant reading experience. The best I can promise is new thoughts being sorted before typing them, taking the time to find a good place to fit them without breaking anything.
- OCD-levels of attention to detail, and legally psychotic from the experimental seizure medications I was on for the first 4 years of My life. I manage by looking at life as a giant MMORPG, while this façade is a major part of My life, it doesn't hold up well to scrutiny. I do welcome such questions, as they allow Me to further develop the world and mechanics, in a manner of speaking. Life is what we make it, and I chose to be a Gamer.
- Personal pronouns addressing Myself will be capitalized, mostly out of habit and the inability to switch between and maintain multiple typing styles. The capped letter, for those not familiar, a habit from Domination/submission chat rooms I frequent, though I lack the superiority complex, masochist heart, and usually avoid the more..... hardcore areas of the lifestyle. Any referring to the reader or others in My life, will be expressed as those involved being vanilla or not D/s.
- Written under emotional duress, long-standing and deep-seeded suicidal depression, unfortunately this is a real bad episode. I sincerely, regardless of what follows, wish to avoid disrespect, degrading/flaming is not intended or wanted in any way. There is ZERO intention or desire to rub this intellect in anyone's face. I am not trying to boast or gratify Myself in any way shape or form. I wish I could promise the experience you, the reader, deserve.
Okay, so I'm hoping that's enough to pass the quality assurance team, if the bots flag this one like most of My posts, all else fails I found an outlet at least. I apologize for the Post Tutorial, but experience has shown I'm more of an acquired taste and best handled with an instruction manual. Most of this is more for Me than any one reading, I will welcome any help, if such a possibility exists.
My family tree is a weird one, having such notable figures as the last criminal to be hung at the gallows, or {from what I'm told by those of us that have the time and resources to thoroughly research this stuff, as they are composing a massive family tree record} The Lancasters and Yorks, The Tudors in the War of the Roses for those not familiar. I've even been shown an old Irish nobility crest My family once wore. This leading to a sense of dignity and honor, a passion to be seen as a good and respectable person. Aside from a greater chance of producing Twins, specifically because reasons, we also have a crazy female to male ratio.
Having other guys around, let alone a large group in the same house{Usually a holiday exclusive} was not a common occurrence. Most being in a different generation entirely{if not more than one apart}. My mother, only addressed as such for the reader's convenience, had this great life plan to devote herself to parenting and raising children. Deducing 4 years to be the best duration to properly develop a baby's personality and foundation for life, and had factored in the time so when the last was ready to go explore and learn, the next would be born or coming soon. She had 5 children, though took in strays out of what one could easily assume to be the goodness of her heart. Believing motherhood to be the very core of her person it would come so naturally.... all the hard work and actual parenting required to reach such aspirations was not needed at all.
I was told that I have dead pathways in My brain, and when the electromagnetic impulses fire over one of 'em, I am thrown into a seizure on the spot. Even had to teach Myself to walk several times before it stuck. The mind is designed to protect itself and can find alternate routes. Though 80s medicine's best outlook was a cloth travel bag stuffed to the brim with pill bottles, and a personal assistant to read and write for Me. It is only through sheer force of will that I have gathered the knowledge and what skills I do have to be an independent citizen of the country. Turning even the English language on its head, when I found I could not write it, the only option left was to learn to draw it. This helping Me to not only write in a way others could read, but assisted in minor things like telling left from right, and understanding the Compass Rose. Though My handwriting not perfect, took time to decipher, and thus I was put on a computer to do all My work. Writing by hand for extended periods of time now is extremely painful.
Being unable to develop outwardly led to a lack of basic/intuitive social skills and understanding. FAR behind the other kids in school, many social situations went over My head. This social incompetency has led to, among other things, choices of phrasing or word usage usually observed for purposes I was not aware of when making them habit. Further distancing Myself from the species. While not a fan of the forced recluse life nor understanding there was much of a problem other than it sucked, I was able to occupy Myself quite thoroughly by exploring My mind, poking and prodding into the core of My being and seeing what was waiting. Reading storybooks to pass the time, which was fun cause the authors that did their research and provided credible knowledge helped introduce and provide a basic understanding of things I was not aware existed.
Returning to the timeline at hand, growing up was difficult with making interpersonal relationships, a problem I have to this day. This becoming a fear of social situations, not wanting to give the wrong impression, or accidentally say something that rocks the boat too much. A near-crippling fear. Without some blueprint of what to say and what to do, I close-up and marginally participate in what's going on around Me. The things I can do confidently, are usually taken as abrasive, disingenuous, or even scripted. I've even been accused of having zero consideration for others, unable to put Myself into their shoes. But My social incompetence and wealth of intuitive understanding, has helped Me learn to read people a bit too well sometimes, and I do really care. -- < Intermission > -- Where was I? Oh yes, My first friend. I don't recall where or how we'd met, I don't even know her last name and am not entirely confident I recall her first name correctly. We'll just call her Emily. I just have two strong memories that influenced My future forever, and turned the one person that was supposed to be in My corner no matter what, into the object of My oppression and torment. We were living in a series of apartments Foxfire I believe they were called, there was a similar set of buildings beside them called Starfire. My mother was the manager of one set, one of her 6 sisters managed the other set. Me and Emily had snuck into one of the apartments being renovated, walking in through a back window opening. She had brought her Barbie radio, and playing a song from a cassette tape, she taught Me how to slow dance. We danced through a few songs before deciding to go to the nearby park.
The other, a more darker memory. She had invited Me to her birthday party, and I was so enthusiastic, I had gone through the trouble of making My bed that day, doing whatever I could, so when it came time to go I was given fond farewells and could enjoy the evening of cake, ice cream and party games. I didn't even care she was a girl{being so used to hanging with My female relatives, this being a bad thing never occurred to Me}, I had a friend that seemed more than a group acquaintance. Fate had other plans.
From what bits of closure I could get from My mother, when the conversation went her way and was allowed to continue, My older brother had started some kind of fire and blamed Me. My mother not wanting to stress or cause further harm to him, bought his lie that I did it, and I was forced to stand and help with dishes as punishment. Two hours I stood on a booster stool and rinsed while she literally did everything she could to extend the runtime. Ignoring My pleas to call ahead and explain why I was gonna be late. Needless to type, I missed the party entirely. Emily refused to speak to Me for days. The look her mother gave Me, still hurts to think about a little. When I did get the chance to talk to her, I laid Myself bare explained what happened, and begged for forgiveness. And having got it is a small comfort even now. Shortly after we'd moved out of the state. I never saw or heard from her again. I like to tell Myself, she can still remember My eyes. Its one of the things she liked to do was just stare into My eyes.
I believed at the time there was some parental reason, some life lesson I missed. While I continued to respect My mother, I felt I could not trust her, and built a web of lies, so deep she heard nothing out of place from anyone she knew. Having used characters in the stories I read, based off their treatment from other characters. To give the impressions I wanted her to have. Though I didn't understand how or why that treatment was given and probably pulled it off poorly. Though My family had come into the habit of speculating actions and reasoning then guessing. What should have soon become a long list of crimson flags, as they always seemed to hit near or on the mark more than they should have, instead turned into them praising their perceptional skills. Though I resigned Myself to living a lie to survive, it wasn't going to be a difficult one.
This continued throughout My life into High School, where I'd grown to love learning, gaming and reading. Which would all come to a head, when I met a friend online and helped manage/add to an incredible text-based DBZ RPG he'd created. The dude was amazing, and being able to manage My character as if I were writing the manga itself almost was an experience I'll take with Me to the end. We had decided to work on a new project, and in an attempt to open communication with My mother. Having come to the understanding of how deprived My young mind was of circumstances going on, felt I owed it to Myself to try and gain some closure as a young adult.
Looping her into the project's existence. Because she could not take stairs very well or was mobile much, I took the time to write by hand. Not knowing the world synopsis, to give her an explanation of the game's premise. The only word I could think of to title the single page I painstakingly wrote, so she didn't have to make the stairs to read it, was Prologue. Yep, there went those writer aspirations she had, and instantly grounded Me as a Freshman in high school until she had a full novel to read. Not being 18, there was nothing I could do, or so I believed, and thus unable to do My half of the new game and the book. I kissed My game developer dreams goodbye, and began the worst mistake of My life.
To cut corners and ensure it took as little time as possible. Instead of making characters cause that wasn't My role in the game, I based them off people I went to school with even down to getting their permission and preferences. This way I could keep the skills needed for the project intact, and hopefully finish fast enough to return to it. They were all keenly aware of the situation and more than happy to help, each name followed by a paragraph of info I needed to write their characters. Overnight once this list was found, I was dubbed a terrorist, people would cross the street to avoid Me, other kids mocking "Don't shoot". You'd think provoking someone, that an entire city of 3,000 people believe will snap and blow up the school at any time, is a REALLY REALLY stupid idea. But hey, monkeys and typewriters right?
My only saving grace, was My desire to learn to be an adult, and thus had taken up the habit of spending some time each morning before school, drinking hot cocoa at the local gas station. This also being the time the police were changing shifts, and would meet up there to hang out. I quickly became a Force Favorite. Knew some of them on a first name basis and roughly how they're lives were going. They took the calls and trying to explain that wasn't Me, but a panicked populace is rarely settled by reason. This small town alienated Me, applying for jobs was fruitless as they knew who I was, and it had been ten years before I was able to move far enough away to outpace the rumors. But by this time My work history was so shoddy and laughable. The prospect of finding work was near impossible. Trial runs at best, to put it all in a more positive light. -- < Intermission > -- It was My love of video games that led to My current life, a life that I poured blood, sweat, and tears into learning to create, and gaming helped. A series called Dark Souls, you might have heard about it. I'd point you to a YouTube video that could go in-depth on Depression and Dark Souls but last I checked it was removed or something. While I got heavy into the game and feel I was pretty decent at it, it was the tactics and skills the game taught Me and others it helped Me hone, that helped many things in life click for Me at once. I began on March 2019, a quest that started with Acorns.com. Using the platform as a piggy bank, and scouring the internet for freebies and odd-jobs I could get paid for. What I could do, via some writing gigs or internet handyman services I could offer.
I was able to build up, and motivate Myself by checking up on it monthly. Sure, having something like a $0.50 monthly payment wasn't too much for the average person. But for Me, it was a paycheck, and it was being re-invested by an algorithm and people that knew what they were doing. Or at least knew more than Me. Later that year, in August I'd moved back to My Home state. Having years before found an opening to suggest it to the family, and being homesick those that could go, did. While its been SOOO therapeutic being back home, seeing the Rocky Mountains in all their glory once more, and far closer than I'd ever been as a boy. Most of My troubles vanished, only to be later replaced by some new ones. Cause life is nothing if not consistent.
I'd left behind many relatives that either actively sought to cause Me misery, or were driven by lies from trusted sources and saw no other recourse. While the web of lies My mother still believes, mostly struggling with as I've pulled specific lynch pins to potentially unravel it all for her alone. I do say after all this time, I get some enjoyment from her mental torment. Victim's Revenge, you could call it. My first attempt at a job, after two years of studying interviews, applications, and resumes. Ended horribly. The dude scheduled My interview, for a date and time an important company meeting was taking place. To save his hide, he burst in when he heard or saw I was in the building shuffled Me off to the in-store Starbucks. My money's on the lack of cameras there, and proceeded to give Me a full interview. Hitting all the right notes, so I walked out thinking I nailed it. And the entire 30-minute walk home. I did. I was so proud of Myself, all that hard work finally paid off, I could begin planning out expenses and budgeting funds.
Then heard nothing back, went to check in and he went from "be right out" to "Too busy leave your number :)". Then the listing I found for the job initially changed to a nightshift job, the ONLY condition I had was dayshift. JUST cause I like having places open to do business on My days off. The change lasted a few days, but it happened and I was brushed off. HQ suggested I talk to HR, but the dude was in HR, said so on his badge. So I continued My Internet sewer rat ways as I called 'em. I tried to contribute to helping around the house, but as usual that led to EVERYONE just dumping whatever I did on Me with no considerations for My being the only one that cared enough to do something. People came to live with us and moved out, probably to cover My living expenses.
Which honestly wasn't much I only eat a couple times a day, I take showers every 2 - 3 days cause I have sensitive skin and I've heard showering too much can be bad. I don't ask for much. I tried to compensate for My lack of being able to get a job, by cutting My living expenses on others. The only thing stopping Me from ending My life, was the lack of knowledge of the city and good places to be left to die without interruptions. -- < Intermission > -- Today's world, while awful, was quite the catalyst for My quest. People being inside more, the internet filled with people. I saw old friends, made plenty of new ones. People were buying online services and products more than ever. Due to the mask restrictions, I was able to feel more comfortable in public. Not having to worry about voiceless miscommunication. I was able to be more out there, and confident.
One day last year, listening to one of My current roommates talk about his job and how behind they were, thinking there was a good chance he'd be working on Christmas. Single father of 3 good kids, does a pretty good job at parenting too, that didn't seem right. Knowing what he did and where he worked. I knew I could do something about it, if just given the chance. So on a whim, knowing My chances were slim and the work temporary as usual. I walked in and filled out an application. Got an interview soon as I was done, a small tour, and even greenlit for a second interview. They worked with My scheduling issues to find Me a good spot and schedule I could manage.
I started before Thanksgiving, and what I walked into blew Me away. I wasn't sitting in a cesspool of drones, mindlessly laboring away for The Man. I found Myself, very quickly, standing and working amongst a dysfunctional community of sorts. All the rules I'd come to know were thrown out the window. To be honest the entire thing began to feel like I'd stepped into the drawings of some anime. Every day feeling like a new adventure. A new episode in the series. Something like Yu-Gi-Oh!, a daily deal with broad seasons.
Then came the icing on the cake of this rl manga.
A girl. Yep. Just one. Everything about her is amazing. Compassionate, strong-willed. Knows what she wants and goes after it. Her carefree nature and spirit. Her bright smile, that lights up her eyes. Its as if she could have stepped out of an anime! Even if she didn't dye her hair, there would be zero difference. I can tell she's smart and she doesn't mess around when it comes to learning what she needs to know. Follows her heart, while its been tempered from experiences and negative factors in her life. She doesn't let it get her down much. Weathered and strong. She was My superior, and substituting for My Supervisor in the middle of an intense building lockdown due to a case.
Having respect for women that I do, I was thrilled and did My best to learn from her all I could. Though it was obvious from day 1 she was out of My league. The more I learned about her only succeeding in increasing that gap, and My admiration for her. A girl like that doesn't go for guys like Me, and My social retardation mixes things up too much to risk anything more. I was content to be a work friend. Being My first direct authority figure at that workplace. I made a point of being able to keep an eye on her. If I had any questions or issues, knowing where My superiors are if nearby is a keen skill to have on the job.
My fear of social situations, having helped Me develop ways to length the time between someone needing to come talk to Me for any reason and My noticing their approach. One way is to look past someone and register their silhouette, like an old magic eye puzzle that just gives you this cut out shape of whatever is in the puzzle. Not looking at them, but reading anything blocking My view of the floowall I'm looking at to glean this information. A self-defense mechanism that allows Me to not just register anyone I "scan" out of the corner of My eye. But helps Me low-key keep track of where everyone I work nearby is, and a vague idea of what they're doing to the extent of determining if they will approach Me.
In all honesty, the open-community feel to the workplace had inspired Me to try and glean missing social information. Watching certain people that seem to have that info I lack, and like newborns do trying to learn through observation and speculation. Sometimes cause they are usually nearby or I expect regular contact with the person. Sometimes cause certain traits or things stand out. However, not being privy to My social awkwardness/incompetence, My self-defense mechanisms can paint a rather dark picture. While nothing has reached any kind of breaking point, no one talks to Me about it. Granted, in the presence of a potential sexual predator there isn't much that can be done, but being an unwilling social outcast. There's no way to really confirm the suspicions without letting the predator know they are onto 'em.
The backlash, being the permanent stain on My reputation to anyone I meet. I did My best to ignore it, after spending a couple days in despair at the coming events. I knew the most likely interpretation of those said defense mechanisms. I knew it was coming, I could feel the stares getting more intense and deeper. People with no valid reason otherwise, were keeping a very close eye on Me. And for about a week and a half I believe, I got to be the center of a clown and pony show, while they experimented with people I was caught scanning. Various types, genders, ages, and sizes. The things they asked women to do to test My preferences was crazy, and I doubt the legality of some of it. But because sexual predator, it was needed.
Having surmised the coming storm and how bad it would be, I weathered it as best as I could. Taking from her example, her strength and borrowing it for Myself. The entire time she became My port in the storm, My sense of normalcy in the chaos. I didn't check her out, because I'm not a sexual predator. Not that she isn't attractive. She is quite exquisite. I find Myself wanting to talk about pointless stuff, that requires quite a bit of her verbal input, just for the time to listen to her voice. As opposed to pushing her up against a wall and spending hours exploring and enjoying her physical assets. A very pleasurable thought yes, but not on My to-do list.
Over time, I was able to ignore the seductive poses and sensual implications of random questions asked by anyone they thought I showed interest in. Except her. It was FAR too obvious, and thus for a while she simply wasn't around. A choice she couldn't make, because My defense mechanisms had already registered a ton of visual information. During this time, she had obviously noticed My attentions, and decided to test the waters herself. The first time I noticed, is she had decided to wait for My usual scan of the surrounding area, and then when I seemed too busy to be paying attention to anything else. Moved, and as she didn't break her routine, I caught nothing. Only a glimpse of her in My peripheral vision. I assumed she was moving to one of the terminals she uses as part of her job, and knowing her back would be too Me, took the opportunity to steal a glance at her hair.
Yep, the prettiest girl in the place I've seen, and I'm not ogling her naughty bits. But as I've mentioned, testing the waters, so rather than a hard-working beautiful woman on the job. I got to find her leaning on a table/cart of some kind not sure what, watching Me directly. It all hit like a ton of bricks. And I fell right into it. Not in the usual way mind you. Looking back to find her gone, and in earnest seeking her out eyes glistening with hope that she didn't need to clock out or whatever.. Nope. I knew what area she was in and what she'd be doing, I had clear line of sight from My station. I looked up at her directly. The look she gave Me was not only priceless, but weighted with the implications of My actions. Being able to point her out anywhere in My visual range, she's even tried hiding behind stuff, but like if I could tell where she was, I usually looked anyway. Not being able to see her wasn't too much of a concern as she was nearby, and looking in her general direction helped.
During what I personally dubbed the Arc of Sorrows, cause it was just a cluster!@$&, as I watched My co-workers some I counted as friends be reduced to bait to try and provoke Me. The low opinions of Me are what cut the deepest. Imagining the respect draining from her eyes, seeing her tremble like a cornered rabbit just being near Me. I couldn't stand the thought, and now I'm nearly living it. When I was moved to a new area, out of an expressed desire to learn everything in and about the place I could, I made a point to visit that last area and say hi to the friends I made. Always aiming for a shot to see her, didn't matter if we talked. Long as I could look and see her was all I needed for that fresh "anime feel" to the day.
While she is not the cornerstone of the delusional world I call home now, she does make it insanely easy to fall back into it like an old suit. While most of the stares have lessened in intensity, some still get that impression and come close to test the waters. I seriously doubt any have an interest in Me, simply seeing if I can be sexually provoked or tempted. Being an emotionally-driven individual, even that side of Me doesn't respond to emotionless embrace. If she's not into it, I can't be. While I could see Myself easily falling for her, I'm smart enough to know when I'm out of My league and keep My distance.
I get to bring My roommate back into the picture soon.
We should probably give these two names...Shadava{Met someone with this name, and its as unique as My crush. Perfect fit}. For the roommate, while some fun could be had with the name Richard. He's not a bad guy, and he did/does mean well. So we'll go with Kevin. Its kinda cool I think.
Okay, so a daily visit of My old "stomping grounds" became a thing. And not just for Shadava. To visit My former supervisor{ He's pretty cool, Dyslexic like Me but with colors not shapes. I imagine Me and him would be amazing friends, though have a bit of issue, as we use the other's trigger to cancel our own episodes. Yes by this point I expect everyone to have stopped reading and am simply indulging in the outlet to let loose before the bottle shatters.}, and say hi to some friends that were moved to dayshift. I even try and help out, doing all the little maintenance things I couldn't do on the clock as much as I wanted. Emptying trash, sweeping up, stacking supplies, organizing supply shelves. The sexual predator thing makes interacting with people difficult, as even innocent actions are misinterpreted simply for being in the same wheelhouse. And as I don't look at where My eyes are pointing when I scan silhouettes, they have ended up in some inappropriate places.
While no one but Shadava caught Me looking more than normal or for not-so-short periods of time, others would notice My looking at the people I did. I imagine some of the women being hired now, are to further explore My preferences, which while having been narrowed down some, is somewhat difficult to do indirectly. -- < Intermission > -- Wellness-check time.
I'm not freaking out anymore, being able to fully vent this all out and organize it is helping take a load off My shoulders. I'm able to better compartmentalize it all, sure I've skipped over a lot, branching paths that could have some influence might even shed some light on a few glossed over things but I feel aren't needed.
So new area, which means a new Supervisor. Who is actually pretty cool too. Like its unreal the quality of people in this place. We'll call her.... Bethany. Why? I think she's rooting for Me to be honest. Plus Shadava, maybe utilizing some unexpected cosplaying skill, manages to disguise herself and has figured out that I learn to recognize patterns. If she can disrupt hers it makes it more difficult for Me to notice when she's around but not impossible. One of these times Shadava had come through, blending into the crowd, having changed her hair enough to be nearly unrecognizable. Though she'd gotten brave and walked across My path. And her silhouette registered, but there was enough differences to suggest someone else. Bethany being My supervisor, Shadava being friends with Bethany, I believe, decided to show Bethany My unusual prowess. She attempted to walk across the area, still within the crowd of people coming and going. It was really impressive how many people were traversing the walking paths, like extras in a movie. The ingenuity and herd mentality of the Human Race can be amazing sometimes.
Though, having spaced how much different she was to Me now, I did happened to notice the first Not Shadava was becoming a bit of a constant in the blur, she was shocked to find zero response from Me. She crossed the area in My peripheral vision several times. Each time a bit more frustrated and confused. Then she stopped halfway and left, coming back with a winter hat, in the the color spectrum she likes to dye her hair. This caught My attention, as all the specs matched. And I looked up to watch her pass, admire her and recall our shared experiences.
Most prominently, is the way she just appeared out of thin air one night. Maybe its the long time being alone and socially isolated due to fear and misconceptions. Or maybe its the magical way in which she embraces life. But from what information I am able to glean from observational skills and developed intuition. Much like the BBC's Sherlock Holmes series, where Benedict Cumberbatch can isolate just about anything from minute details. I've come to greatly admire and respect her. I can admit to Myself, I have a crush on her and accept the hand I was dealt.
As something that's been/being tried. Is girls of her body type obstructing the walking paths, cutting out of the crowd-routine and onto My radar. At first a couple matched what I had. or were close enough to fool My Dyslexia into registering as her for a moment. Though once they are confirmed to be someone else entirely, I am able to filter them off the radar even when walking a few feet beside where I work. While the sexual predator thing is fading, I imagine some are convinced I'm asexual. I've got a whole new bag of scorpions to deal with.
What about Kevin? Yeah, kinda spaced that one didn't I? Pretty sure even the most interested/invested individuals have stopped and moved on. From here on out is just expression of Self. To drone on in hopes I can compartmentalize enough to make a stable shift on Monday
So, father of 3, good work ethic, willing to help out providing he's given the right respect from whose asking. Like everyone else, not a fan of getting his information from Me directly. No laid out concerns or issues to discuss and straighten out between us. No, instead his sources are My mother and sister. Yes another person, but this one nameless. Like mother like daughter as they say. Both too proud to admit they don't know anything, or have some strong desire for people to see them as they want to be seen, with zero concern for the methods used.
You guessed it, bold, smiling-faced, lies when they didn't have the truth. Plausible and easily confirmed through observation. The pattern being that everyone brought in, walks away feeling no need to discuss anything with Me. Everyone's demeanor and treatment of Me goes south. Fast. Ironically, having gotten to know this intriguing but child-built web of lies. Is under the impression{Even with subtle hints and direct comments to the latter}, that he and I are perfectly in sync. Now Kevin's role in this $#!^storm, is wanting to help and like see Me succeed. I tell Myself that anyway, as I can find no reason to think he'd be actively tearing down My progress. He does seem focused on making Me see what he sees in Me. He'd also been moved to Shadava's area, and at first it was fine. Until one day the two were resolving an issue during My daily visit.
I was semi-part of the conversation, learning what I could from the experience, sure stealing glances Shadava's way. I'm sure he picked up on that right away, having lived through My scanning period and noticed it was just a phase and it happens to everyone, but he knew I used to work there. So Shadava would have been past that phase as well. And decided to throw out that he is My brother-in-law. Though My sister and his brother have only been together for three years and aren't married to My knowledge, just like to imagine they have been.
In Kevin's Defense, I'm sure he was hoping to help Me get laid at least. I can't be mad at him for it, but the propane he threw onto this fire.... Naturally, Shadava having shown some interest, even in situations I've not mentioned. The prospect of talking to a family member, is not a chance a girl with a strong crush passes up. Right ladies? So of course, 1 plus 1 makes 11 and the event that shattered My entire weekend came and went, without My even registering the possibility at the time.
My former Supervisor, politely canceling the weekend drink/hangout we'd arranged, when I was texting him to discuss what we even felt up to doing. We didn't even really decide what to do. It was originally an offer of drinks, to hang out some, and then I broadened the spectrum adding lunch or whatever. Just wanting to be friends, as I've got none irl anymore. The last I saw Shadava, felt like she tried to ghost Me. Waving when I said hi, almost like I was being brushed off. Rather than slowing down so My brisk walk could close the gap and enjoy what I can manage in the area of small talk. It's difficult to get up the courage to talk to her. She's so amazing, and just so beautiful. I used to be afraid I'd misstep and not live up to the Man she saw in Me. There's small comfort in the fact it wasn't Me that did it.
I haven't lost hope though, to be honest having to think about her hurts more than I expected, and wanting to end on a positive note. I could see how conflicted Shadava is, how she struggles to listen to her heart and her instincts. Against the web of lies, barely holding together, and countered by things she has seen and experienced personally. She has a tough road ahead of her, and as much as I would give up the privilege of seeing her smile to ensure she always remembers how, there is nothing I can give to help her through the turbulence ahead. I can only hope its not I that breaks her spirit, even indirectly. The wave, some kind of response, I see as a sign that her interest has not entirely faded, though she has probably cried over what Kevin felt so proud to reveal.
While I only have theories, none of them are positive and cannot be with the foundation behind whatever was said. It gives Me hope that truth will prevail, and she's still seeking answers. I don't know the questions, but being Myself. I will eventually manage to answer enough to win back her respect and without any of My personal luck involved. I might even get the chance to answer the rest of her questions. Its all I got to hold onto now.
Will she ever know how much of an anchor she has become in My darkest hour? No, probably not.
Now that I've vented and feel somewhat in control, I'll go find something else to distract Myself further. Let you good people get back to your lives.
If anyone made it to the end, I do apologize for any frustration I've caused. Non-negative feedback will receive an upvote for your troubles, though I don't participate enough on this site to consider Myself part of it. Its nice to have an anonymous outlet to ask for help.
Thank you all Stay safe and sane out there!

A long time ago, in December of 2010, until November of 2011, Minecraft had it's first ever surge of popularity - this was, most probably, due to all of Minecraft's Beta versions. But how good were Minecraft's Beta's, and what did they bring to the game? Today, we discuss.
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Note: If you want to add/change something about this post, please comment, and if you're correct, and what you asked makes sense, I will add/change it.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
We begin - at the very beginning - in Beta 1.0. First of all, tooltips, the ability to see what an item is called by hovering over it, were added. Also, the only Splash Text in this version, (splash text is the yellow text you see beside the 'Minecraft' Title when you load up the game), were 'Merry-X-Mas!', 'Happy New Year', and 'Finally Beta!'. Alongside new splash text to show up in future versions, bug fixes, and some tweaks made to inventory armour slots (the slots in your inventory where you put in armour), leaf decaying (leafs would decay when not attached to logs from a tree), chests (if you walk too far away from a chest, it will close), capes being added (a custom item that flies on your back), and crafting tables, (you could not store things inside the crafting table), that's about it for Beta 1.0. Now, moving on!
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Beta 1.1 - released on December 22nd of 2010, not long at all after Beta 1.0. In this version, the ability to change font of text in the game was removed (yes, font for text in Minecraft did exist), and leaf decaying was changed once again, as well, in technical ways. Also, certain players got a special cape to celebrate the coming year (2011), and a total of 4 bugs were fixed. However, there's something special about this update; currently, the .EXE file is... missing; this version is, according to the Minecraft wiki, 'missing', so, if you have a copy of Beta 1.1, consider yourself extremely lucky, and guard that version of Minecraft as much as you can. Moving on!
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Beta 1.2 - in the new year of 2011, on January the 13th, Minecraft Beta 1.2 was released, and was much larger than Beta 1.1. One of the largest additions were; the first ever dispensers, Lapis Lazuli, (though it was almost useless at the time, other than for making dye), and Birch and Spruce Trees finally joined Oak wood in the 'Wood Family' (Prior to this update, the only form of wood was oak). Some more minor changes/additions include; cake (an edible block), note blocks (can make music!), sandstone (made with sand), and dyed wool was re-introduced (dyed wool was removed in a version called Survival Test, and it was removed because this was the version where survival mode was introduced, and there was no way to craft dyed wool in survival, at the time), certain dyes (Purple, Pink, Magenta, Gray, Light Gray, Red, Orange, Yellow, Lime, Green, Cyan, and Light Blue dyes, which could change the colour of sheep and change the colour of wool), bones (Dropped from skeletons), bone meal (that could speed up crop growth), cocoa beans (they only spawned in dungeon chests), ink sacs (from squids), charcoal (gotten when you cooked logs), sugar (from sugar cane), squids, spiders could climb, and 10 bugs were fixed. Moving on - again.
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Beta 1.3 - this was decently huge, but not too huge. (Released in February, 22nd, in 2011). At this point, beds were introduced, though they couldn't set your spawn yet like they do today, slabs were introduced (oak wood, cobble and sandstone slabs), and Redstone Repeaters were introduced (redstone devices that delay the speed of redstone dust, which was introduced in Minecraft Alpha)! Alongside that, the flaming skull painting was introduced, the /whitelist command for servers got added, crying obsidian, a block planned to be used for setting your spawn, was getting a retexture, and you could now pick Minecraft seeds (you could pick what Minecraft world you want to spawn in). Also, back-faced third person view was added, and 10 bugs were fixed. You also now had the ability to toggle between classic lighting and smooth lighting (It is self explanitory what smooth lighting is). Moving on to -
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Beta 1.4 - released on March 31st, 2011, it had a few April Fools Jokes! First of all, it had Locked Chests, Cookies (made with cocoa), Wolves, and beds could now set your spawn instead of crying obsidian. Minecrafts first achievements were added, and Minecraft's current logo was made! Also, java edition statistics were added! Lastly, 4 bugs were fixed, and Steve Co. Supply crates were added, as another April Fools Joke!
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Beta 1.5 - Beginning on April 19th of 2011, it added saplings (a way to grow trees), cobwebs, and detector and powered rails (to be used alongside minecarts, to detect minecarts and speed them up)! Also, charged creepers (a kind of creeper that spawns when lightning strikes a creeper) and weather were added, also, when pigs get struck by lightning, they become zombie pigman. Fire was nerfed, since it was too powerful, and Crying Obsidian was removed.
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Beta 1.6 - Began on May 26th, 2011, it, like beta 1.1, has a lost .EXE file, so if you have Beta 1.6, you are, again, very lucky. It added maps (made with paper), grass, ferns, trapdoors, and added Nether Support for Multiplayer (Previously, the Nether did not exist in Multiplayer). Also, now, beds explode in the Nether, and an incredibly chunky 97 bugs were fixed! Now, moving onwards...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Beta 1.7 - beginning on June 30th, 2011, it also has a lost .EXE file, like Beta 1.6 and 1.1. It added Pistons, Sticky Pistons (redstone-related blocks that could push blocks), and shears (a way to shear wool off sheep), alongside 2 bug fixes!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
And now, Beta 1.8 - it was released on September 14th in 2011, and added stone bricks, infested stone (made when silverfish, a new mob, went inside stone), new slabs, mushroom blocks, melons, new stairs, vines, iron bars, glass panes, strongholds, fence gates, edible chicken, beef, ender pearls that are dropped by enderman (and can let you teleport), enderman themselves, pumpkin seeds, rotten flesh, cave spiders in Mine Shafts, mine shafts themselves, experience orbs (at the time, useless, and were dropped by mobs and ores), villages (Villagers, that we have today, however, were not added yet), ravines, huge mushrooms with mushroom blocks, much larger oceans, plains, deserts, extreme hills, swamps, rivers, creative mode, critical hits, blocking with swords, bows that aren't instant (previously, you could spam-click bows), the hungefood system (you need to eat to refill the hunger bar), sprinting, regeneration, hunger, poison, speed, slowness, haste, mining fatigue, water breathing, nausea, chests got a remodel, mossy cobblestone (introduced in Minecraft Alpha) got a re-texture, pigs got a 3D snout in their texture, the far lands were removed (which were an odd terrain glitch that occurred 12 million blocks away), and removed biomes (rain forests, seasonal forests, savannas, shrublands, tundras, ice deserts), and 9 bug fixes - due to all these changes, this update is one of the largest updates in all of Minecraft's early history!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I hope you liked this post, and I'll see you in the next post. Stay safe, everyone.
Note: This is a Repost of another post I had made some time ago.
Minecraft Website - Minecraft YouTube Channel - Minecraft Feedback

A collection of ideas I REALLY want in the game.
So I was thinking after seeing tomatoes in Minecraft Live. Obviously, I thought pizza would be a fun idea. But then I realized you would need cheese, and that's where the idea sparked.
Introducing the churner. The recipe from upper left to bottom right would be; Leather, stick, leather, wood plank, stick, wood plank, iron ingot, barrel, iron ingot. The reason it has so many items in its recipe is because of how useful it is. It starts with cooked milk. Normal milk could be used to make butter, but I'll get to that later. You would place a milk bucket in a furnace to cook it. It wouldn't add any changes to drinking it, but you would use it on the churner. Then you had a choice. Add a red mushroom to get yogurt, or add a brown mushroom for cheese. This is because bacteria is used with milk for both of these, and there is no bacteria in Minecraft, so fungi was my next choice. It's Minecraft, after all, so it's not completely realistic. After adding cooked milk and a red mushroom, you would churn by using it with nothing in your hand for 5 seconds to get yogurt. You would use a bowl on it to harvest it. You could do a few things with yogurt, but this would come from yet another idea I have.
Many new berries would be added. The berries we have will become raspberries, and blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries would be added. Raspberries and blackberries are found in spruce forests, and strawberries and blueberries are found in oak forests, as well as near flower forests. There would also be new fruits. Oaks would always have apples, and would hang from leaves, similarly to how cocoa beans hang from trees. Bananas would grow from jungle trees. Peaches would grow from birches. Cherries would grow from dark oaks. If you have an idea for a fruit from a spruce, please comment it. Also comment if you have a better idea for a fruit here. Also, you could turn these fruits into the seeds for these trees, and the seeds would have the name of the tree. When you plant the seed, it would still work the same way as saplings do now, becoming a sapling immediately.
So, you could use these fruits, as well as cocoa beans, to flavor the yogurt. I will give the reason that there will be so much variety later. The other thing the churner would make is cheese. You would make this the exact same way as yogurt, but with a brown mushroom. You would then harvest it with your hand. Cheese will be used in two ways. The first will have to do with a new mob, mice. They would spawn in oak forests, and would be tamed the same way as a cat, with slow movements. All ocelots and cats, tamed or untamed, will attack an untamed mouse if standing, but tamed ocelots and cats will not attack tamed mice. The mouse would then follow you if you hold cheese. The tamed mouse would be used with a new block, the redstone cage. Before it works, you have to make a redstone collar using 1 leather and 1 redstone dust. You would use cheese on the cage to put cheese inside, and the mouse would go inside, and the door would close on them. When cheese is placed in another cage far away, the mouse would leave the cage and go to that cage, bringing a redstone signal with them.
The other use of cheese would be in cooking. The new cooking would require a new block, the oven. It would be made simply, with a smoker and a crafting table. The oven would just be a furnace with a crafting interface, by placing items in a 3 by 3, and then clicking a check, as well as adding fuel. Cheese would be used here. First, there would be pizza. This would be made by, from top left to bottom right, wheat, wheat, wheat, cheese, tomato, cheese, wheat, water bucket, and wheat. The bucket would be recoverable after the pizza is done. Pizza would be placed like cake, with four slices. Cake would be made using an oven as well, but there would be a change. Instead of three milk buckets, it would be two, with one piece of butter. Butter would be made with the churner, with normal milk and nothing else. However, different cakes could be made. The three wheat at the bottom would be changed for different cakes. The wheat in the middle would be switched with a carrot for carrot cake, cocoa for chocolate, and all the other fruits would make cakes or pies. Also, sandwiches would also be craftable.
The reason that there would be so much variety is a new bar under your xp. It would be your “happiness”. Eating different kinds of food, instead of the same exact thing, would make it go up more. Once its full, it gives you a minor boost in speed, resistance, damage, and mining speed. After 2 Minecraft days, which includes sleeping as the time in a day, it would go to half, and the next day, a 4th would be taken away, unless it was filled again. The 4th take away per day would stay until you filled it again, in which case it would become a half after 2 days again.
The second way that the food variety would help is with villagers. There would be a new slot in their trading area in which food would go. Each type of villager would like a certain type of food. After giving them some food, you couldn’t give them food until they have slept once. This food would also be separate from breeding food, which is collected by them when it is dropped. The food could make them have discounts on things. Also, baby villagers would like sweet things, and would give you an emerald if you dropped one, and two emeralds for a cake of any kind.
Lastly, something i forgot is that caves would have a new biome, similar to the new lush caves, except with mushrooms. There would be big mushrooms of both types. There would be mycelium as well, and both mushroom types. Moo shrooms might also live here. This would be so that mushrooms could be found easily. Like the lush caves, something would be over them. It would be a very tall brown mushroom.
Yeah, thats it. Please, whatever you find good here, and whatever you have thoughts on, please comment about it. Also, share this with others, because id like to see everyones thoughts on it.

A long time ago, in December of 2010, until November of 2011, Minecraft had it's first ever surge of popularity - this was, most probably, due to all of Minecraft's Beta versions. But how good were Minecraft's Beta's, and what did they bring to the game? Today, we discuss.
We begin - at the very beginning - in Beta 1.0. First of all, tooltips, the ability to see what an item is called by hovering over it, were added. Also, the only Splash Text in this version, (splash text is the yellow text you see beside the 'Minecraft' Title when you load up the game), were 'Merry-X-Mas!', 'Happy New Year', and 'Finally Beta!'. Alongside new splash text to show up in future versions, bug fixes, and some tweaks made to inventory armour slots (the slots in your inventory where you put in armour), leaf decaying (leafs would decay when not attached to logs from a tree), chests (if you walk too far away from a chest, it will close), capes being added (a custom item that flies on your back), and crafting tables, (you could not store things inside the crafting table), that's about it for Beta 1.0. Now, moving on!
Beta 1.1 - released on December 22nd of 2010, not long at all after Beta 1.0. In this version, the ability to change font of text in the game was removed (yes, font for text in Minecraft did exist), and leaf decaying was changed once again, as well, in technical ways. Also, certain players got a special cape to celebrate the coming year (2011), and a total of 4 bugs were fixed. However, there's something special about this update; currently, the .EXE file is... missing; this version is, according to the Minecraft wiki, 'missing', so, if you have a copy of Beta 1.1, consider yourself extremely lucky, and guard that version of Minecraft as much as you can. Moving on!
Beta 1.2 - in the new year of 2011, on January the 13th, Minecraft Beta 1.2 was released, and was much larger than Beta 1.1. One of the largest additions were; the first ever dispensers, Lapis Lazuli, (though it was almost useless at the time, other than for making dye), and Birch and Spruce Trees finally joined Oak wood in the 'Wood Family' (Prior to this update, the only form of wood was oak). Some more minor changes/additions include; cake (an edible block), note blocks (can make music!), sandstone (made with sand), and dyed wool was re-introduced (dyed wool was removed in a version called Survival Test, and it was removed because this was the version where survival mode was introduced, and there was no way to craft dyed wool in survival, at the time), certain dyes (Purple, Pink, Magenta, Gray, Light Gray, Red, Orange, Yellow, Lime, Green, Cyan, and Light Blue dyes, which could change the colour of sheep and change the colour of wool), bones (Dropped from skeletons), bone meal (that could speed up crop growth), cocoa beans (they only spawned in dungeon chests), ink sacs (from squids), charcoal (gotten when you cooked logs), sugar (from sugar cane), squids, spiders could climb, and 10 bugs were fixed. Moving on - again.
Beta 1.3 - this was decently huge, but not too huge. (Released in February, 22nd, in 2011). At this point, beds were introduced, though they couldn't set your spawn yet like they do today, slabs were introduced (oak wood, cobble and sandstone slabs), and Redstone Repeaters were introduced (redstone devices that delay the speed of redstone dust, which was introduced in Minecraft Alpha)! Alongside that, the flaming skull painting was introduced, the /whitelist command for servers got added, crying obsidian, a block planned to be used for setting your spawn, was getting a retexture, and you could now pick Minecraft seeds (you could pick what Minecraft world you want to spawn in). Also, back-faced third person view was added, and 10 bugs were fixed. You also now had the ability to toggle between classic lighting and smooth lighting (It is self explanitory what smooth lighting is). Moving on to -
Beta 1.4 - released on March 31st, 2011, it had a few April Fools Jokes! First of all, it had Locked Chests, Cookies (made with cocoa), Wolves, and beds could now set your spawn instead of crying obsidian. Minecrafts first achievements were added, and Minecraft's current logo was made! Also, java edition statistics were added! Lastly, 4 bugs were fixed, and Steve Co. Supply crates were added, as another April Fools Joke!
Beta 1.5 - Beginning on April 19th of 2011, it added saplings (a way to grow trees), cobwebs, and detector and powered rails (to be used alongside minecarts, to detect minecarts and speed them up)! Also, charged creepers (a kind of creeper that spawns when lightning strikes a creeper) and weather were added, also, when pigs get struck by lightning, they become zombie pigman. Fire was nerfed, since it was too powerful, and Crying Obsidian was removed.
Beta 1.6 - Began on May 26th, 2011, it, like beta 1.1, has a lost .EXE file, so if you have Beta 1.6, you are, again, very lucky. It added maps (made with paper), grass, ferns, trapdoors, and added Nether Support for Multiplayer (Previously, the Nether did not exist in Multiplayer). Also, now, beds explode in the Nether, and an incredibly chunky 97 bugs were fixed! Now, moving onwards...
Beta 1.7 - beginning on June 30th, 2011, it also has a lost .EXE file, like Beta 1.6 and 1.1. It added Pistons, Sticky Pistons (redstone-related blocks that could push blocks), and shears (a way to shear wool off sheep), alongside 2 bug fixes!
And now, Beta 1.8 - it was released on September 14th in 2011, and added stone bricks, infested stone (made when silverfish, a new mob, went inside stone), new slabs, mushroom blocks, melons, new stairs, vines, iron bars, glass panes, strongholds, fence gates, edible chicken, beef, ender pearls that are dropped by enderman (and can let you teleport), enderman themselves, pumpkin seeds, rotten flesh, cave spiders in Mine Shafts, mine shafts themselves, experience orbs (at the time, useless, and were dropped by mobs and ores), villages (Villagers, that we have today, however, were not added yet), ravines, huge mushrooms with mushroom blocks, much larger oceans, plains, deserts, extreme hills, swamps, rivers, creative mode, critical hits, blocking with swords, bows that aren't instant (previously, you could spam-click bows), the hungefood system (you need to eat to refill the hunger bar), sprinting, regeneration, hunger, poison, speed, slowness, haste, mining fatigue, water breathing, nausea, chests got a remodel, mossy cobblestone (introduced in Minecraft Alpha) got a re-texture, pigs got a 3D snout in their texture, the far lands were removed (which were an odd terrain glitch that occurred 12 million blocks away), and removed biomes (rain forests, seasonal forests, savannas, shrublands, tundras, ice deserts), and 9 bug fixes - due to all these changes, this update is one of the largest updates in all of Minecraft's early history!
The Minecraft Pre-release - Released on September 22nd of 2011, and added; lily pads, mycelium, mooshrooms, mushroom islands (which housed mooshrooms and mycelium), nether fortresses, nether bricks, nether wart, villagers (useless, at the time), gold nuggets, ghast tears (dropped by ghasts, which were introduced in Minecraft Alpha), blaze, blaze rods dropped by blazes, magma cubes, snow golems, the ice plains and frozen ocean were re-introduced, and end portal frames - you can't go to the end, yet, though...
So, there you have it! A very, very long post on the complete history of Minecraft Betas! If you find any incorrect info, please notify me in the comments. Now, I'll see you in the next post; stay safe, everyone.
Minecraft Website - Minecraft.net
Minecraft YouTube Channel - Youtube.com/minecraft
Minecraft Feedback - Feedback.minecraft.net

This review is for the perfumes only. I have not tried any of her bath or body products. I am hoping this can help some people on the fence about what to order or introduce Firebird to those that haven't heard of them. I tried to break this up in sections so you only have to read what interests you.
I went to the Firebird site on July 1st and ordered 6 samples and fell in love. Bought 2 full size and and 9 more samples the SAME DAY I received my first package. When I got that package I fell even MORE in love and bought 5 more full size the same day I got the 2nd package. In all Firebird has collected about $125 from me in the past 5 weeks. I just can't get enough.
Here's what I bought so far and my opinions on them. Your mileage my vary. Just because I do or don't like something doesn't mean you will or won't. I will try to describe my experiences the best I can, so you can decide for yourself if you might like it or not. Links are included so you can read the pages original descriptions and notes. Some of the notes I mention may or may not be a part of the original perfumes notes. I'm just describing what I smell, personally. If you would like to know more about what my personal scent preferences are I'll leave them in a reply after this post. That way you can see if we have the same tastes in scent or if we are polar opposites.
​
Anyways enough about me. On to the reviews. The good, the bad and the HOLY GRAILS!
The good -
​
[Black Cocoa](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/perfume/products/black-cocoa-perfume)
Black Cocoa to me, smells like an old wooden coffee shop in the mountains that has been around for 50 years. With a little old man in a rocking chair smoking a pipe on the front porch of the place. You get the soft but not overpowering smell of the wood shop, and some chocolate muffins in the glass case. Then sitting down with a nice cup of coffee, you get fainest smell of vanilla pipe tobacco from the old man on the porch. It's a comforting, warm, yet dark smell. I will be purchasing the full size.
​
[Cake](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/gourmand/products/cake-perfume)
This smells like those little lemon sandwich cookies (the vanilla kind with over sugary lemon frosting stuff squished in the middle) mixed with vanilla cake...on steroids. This is a sugar rush in a perfume. And it's amazing! The lemon is a sugary sweet lemon. Not pledgey at all. No bathroom cleaner lemon here. And it is not overpowering. The vanilla is rounded out by the almond, which normally I don't like almond, but here it just fades to create a perfect vanilla cake, straight out of the oven smell. It's the main star in this perfume. I mean she nailed it. This smells like cake. I bought a full size.
​
[Woodland](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/fresh-herbal/products/woodland-perfume)
Woodland is laying down under a tree on a batch of freshly mowed grass. The grass and dandelions all mulched up together and the fainest smell from the moss and the tree that you're sitting under. This is walking down a country back road and smelling the greens of the field baking in the summer sun. This is a sweet, feminine greenery. I bought a full size.
​
[Nectar](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/perfume/products/nectar-perfume)
This is sitting down to afternoon tea and sticking your whole nose right into the honey pot. But still smelling the jams that lay in wait on the table. Nectar is hands down the best honey scent I have ever smelled. It's got a bit of apricot jam that really intensifies the honey scent and actually makes the honey smell sweeter. The notes claim to have clove which worried me at first, since I don't like clove. But, to be honest I don't smell clove in it at all. I bought a full size.
​
[Lavender Milk](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/perfume/products/lavender-milk-perfume)
I had much higher hopes for this one. I really enjoy lavender, but the addition of the other notes made it sound like the lavender of my dreams. Marshmallows, vanilla, coconut milk, sugar! I was all in! I imagined a smooth, creamy, sugary lavender. Perfect for making you feel cozy and relaxed for bedtime. Well, that's not what I got. While the lavender scent does smell like natural wild grown lavender, it is so strong in this one that it overpowers all the other scents in it. I get no milky creaminess or even much sweetness, I'm sad to say. Just kind of smelled like your basic lavender essential oil. I already have plenty of that. But, since I still love lavender, I guess this still goes in the good section.
​
[Woodsmoke & Vanilla](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/smoke/products/woodsmoke-vanilla-perfume)
Honestly. This one is just ok. But not amazing. I was hoping this would be a sweet smelling smokey vanilla. But, it's not. You get pine, mostly. Which is ok. It's not horribly offensive pine in any way. Still it's not as sweet as I like my pine scents to be. Then you get the little hint of smokiness. The notes claim vanilla, heck it's even part of the title, but I'm not really getting any vanilla. The title should be Woodsmoke & Pine in my opinion. Not vanilla.
​
[Snowdrift](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/products/snowdrift-perfume?_pos=1&_sid=569d3d0ec&_ss=r)
Snowdrift is nice. I bought this one because one year my daughter received a Christmas perfume from The Limited Too in the mid 2000's. She didn't like it, so she gave it to me. I fell in love with it and went back to buy more, but they were already sold out and discontinued that item after that Christmas. I treasured and nursed what I had for years. But it was only a tiny rollerball and sadly didn't last forever. It was like a super sweet vanilla with a little hint of peppermint candy. And I have been looking for a replacement ever since. I've been using Bath and Body Works Twisted Peppermint as a semi-substitute for years. But, it' still isn't sweet/vanilla enough and too peppermint heavy. Firebird's Snowdrift is nice but it's basically just Twisted Peppermint with a little bit of evergreen thrown in. My closest finds have actually come from Solstice Scents recently. Snowmint Mallow from there is good (still too much mint though, not enough sweet), but Snowshoe Pass is pretty magical. It's also still not as sweet as my original love, but the added Cold Winds accord give it such a magical spark. It will be my new substitute, come this winter, unless I can find one better before then.
​
[Heavy Seas](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/aquatic/products/heavy-seas-perfume)
Yes, this a masculine cologne scent. Yes, I bought it for myself (sometimes I like to wear male cologne scents if they are soft enough to be unisex or if they're interesting and realistic). No, I didn't end up keeping it for myself. It's a nice masculine aquatic cologne scent. It's just a little too generic male cologne smell for my taste. Don't get me wrong, I still liked it, I just gave it to my significant other, so he can wear it instead of me.
​
The bad -
​
[Cinders](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/perfume/products/cinders-perfume)
Cinders is the pungent smell of someone throwing a fat piece of still slightly green pine, full of sap, into a fire. And then having the smoke go right in your face. It's astringent and bitter and very potent. I was looking for a great campfire smoke smell, but this one, for me, was not it. This is a rugged, "hand me the whiskey" lumberjack, smoke cologne for men. Not cozy, warm "I love campfires" smoke perfume for women.
​
​
[Viking](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/aquatic/products/viking-perfume)
With the notes this one claimed to have in it, I was looking forward to this one the most. I was hoping for a salty ocean, with crisp fresh air, faint smell of trees and snowy ozone aquatics. What I got was a big whiff of straight to the back of your throat and cling there, icy menthol. I mean it actually made my throat cold and lingered. I HATE menthol with a passion so this was no go for me.
​
[Green Lemon](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/fruit-citrus/products/green-lemon-perfume)
This one I was kind of on the fence about. I have almost a love-hate relationship with it. But, while sitting on that fence, I smell it again and it knocks me backwards off that fence. So, (for me) into the bad category it goes. This is 100% true to it's name. This is slicing open a green lemon. It is as realistic as it gets. This is not pledge lemon cleaner, nor is it sweet sugary lemon dessert. This is fresh cut, slightly green lemon. Juice, rind, seeds and all. If you're looking for 100% realistic lemon juice scent. This is it! My 15 daughter loves it, but she loves to eat lemons raw. So, there you go. That's why I put it at the bottom, so close to the Holy Grails, because for her (and maybe you too) it is HG.
​
The Holy Grails -(I can't ever live without these fragrances again. I don't know how they did it, but these are the most REALISTIC, amazing, memory evoking, magic potions in a bottle. ) As if I need to say it I bought full sizes of all the Holy Grail's and plan to repurchase every time I run out.
​
[Cabin](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/products/cabin-perfume?_pos=1&_sid=9829eb7f6&_ss=r)
Cabin is deep woods camping in a bottle. This is sitting next to the firepit the morning after, enjoying the nature around you. The fire that WAS burning all night is now just a few embers under a huge bed of ash. You can smell the sweet smell of trees and even catch a faint whiff of the dirt that is caked all over your shoes. This evokes so many of my memories of camping that I raced back to the site to buy a full size.
​
[Lagoon](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/aquatic/products/lagoon-perfume)
Lagoon is the craziest, most incredible, weirdest aquatic scent I have ever smelled. I have been looking for a good aquatic scent for a long time. Most are just too cologne/perfume smelling and not enough realism. But this one knocked my socks off. And it was soooo different on me than it was on my daughter. On me it was the smell of swimming in the North Carolina South Toe river. I could smell the rocks, the river water, the plants that grow around the river and my suntan lotion. On my daughter however, it completely flipped and it smelled like swimming at the local pool! You could smell the wet cement around the pool, the sunblock, even the chlorine on her. I laughed out loud when she said..."I can even smell bathing suit! You know that smell swimsuits get after you go swimming? I smell that!" LOL This was one wild ride of an aquatic let me tell you. I had to buy a full bottle. However I will add, that this is still a bit more masculine aquatic than feminine. Not overly so though. A female can definitely get away with wearing this one (both me and my daughter will wear it). It's unisex, but leaning more masculine I'd say.
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[Campfire](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/smoke/products/campfire-perfume)
This is the one that started my whole love affair with Firebird. I have been searching indie brands, looking for a perfume/cologne, that smells like your clothes smell after going camping. Some people hate that smell. I personally love it and wanted it bad enough to look for it in something I could apply whenever I wanted to. At first I was failing miserably. Everything smelled too artificial or way too acrid and didn't have that sweet yet dark smell I was searching for. The closest I had come was Solstice Scents Manor Fire (which I still love), but even it was still a bit too astringent. Then I found this gem. This is the closest I have seen....er...smelled in a perfume that mimics that smell. It's cozy and warm and the marshmallow and maple notes take the edge off the smoke and make it truly a wearable smoke perfume. I'm so in love! If you're looking to replicate that "I've been camping all week" campfire smoke in my clothes smell, this is the closest one I have found yet! It's not perfect (don't truly know if there is one that's spot on perfect), but it's damn close!
​
And last but certainly not least! My hands-down favorite from Firebird!
​
[Saltwater](https://www.firebirdbathbody.com/collections/aquatic/products/saltwater-perfume)
I grew up in Florida, right by the beach. This scent sends me home. It’s more driftwood than saltwater to me. Actually, to me it’s the exact smell of picking up a piece of driftwood and smelling it. Or sitting on a sun-warmed, wave battered dock. Not JUST wood. But sun, salt and sweet driftwood. Almost, like a salty, powdery vanilla. If you've ever smelled real driftwood on the beach, then you know what I'm talking about. This is my go to summer scent. It doesn’t last long and I have to reapply a few times throughout the day. But, I don’t care. That smell is worth more than words to me and will be my Holy Grail beach/summer scent forever. The site claims it's a masculine scent. I don't get that at all. It's feminine all the way to me. Like I said almost a soft, powdery, aquatic, salty, vanilla scent.

So I was thinking after seeing tomatoes in Minecraft Live. Obviously, I thought pizza would be a fun idea. But then I realized you would need cheese, and that's where the idea sparked.
Introducing the churner. The recipe from upper left to bottom right would be; Leather, stick, leather, wood plank, stick, wood plank, iron ingot, barrel, iron ingot. The reason it has so many items in its recipe is because of how useful it is. It starts with cooked milk. Normal milk could be used to make butter, but I'll get to that later. You would place a milk bucket in a furnace to cook it. It wouldn't add any changes to drinking it, but you would use it on the churner. Then you had a choice. Add a red mushroom to get yogurt, or add a brown mushroom for cheese. This is because bacteria is used with milk for both of these, and there is no bacteria in Minecraft, so fungi was my next choice. It's Minecraft, after all, so it's not completely realistic. After adding cooked milk and a red mushroom, you would churn by using it with nothing in your hand for 5 seconds to get yogurt. You would use a bowl on it to harvest it. You could do a few things with yogurt, but this would come from yet another idea I have.
Many new berries would be added. The berries we have will become raspberries, and blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries would be added. Raspberries and blackberries are found in spruce forests, and strawberries and blueberries are found in oak forests, as well as near flower forests. There would also be new fruits. Oaks would always have apples, and would hang from leaves, similarly to how cocoa beans hang from trees. Bananas would grow from jungle trees. Peaches would grow from birches. Cherries would grow from dark oaks. If you have an idea for a fruit from a spruce, please comment it. Also comment if you have a better idea for a fruit here. Also, you could turn these fruits into the seeds for these trees, and the seeds would have the name of the tree. When you plant the seed, it would still work the same way as saplings do now, becoming a sapling immediately.
So, you could use these fruits, as well as cocoa beans, to flavor the yogurt. I will give the reason that there will be so much variety later. The other thing the churner would make is cheese. You would make this the exact same way as yogurt, but with a brown mushroom. You would then harvest it with your hand. Cheese will be used in two ways. The first will have to do with a new mob, mice. They would spawn in oak forests, and would be tamed the same way as a cat, with slow movements. All ocelots and cats, tamed or untamed, will attack an untamed mouse if standing, but tamed ocelots and cats will not attack tamed mice. The mouse would then follow you if you hold cheese. The tamed mouse would be used with a new block, the redstone cage. Before it works, you have to make a redstone collar using 1 leather and 1 redstone dust. You would use cheese on the cage to put cheese inside, and the mouse would go inside, and the door would close on them. When cheese is placed in another cage far away, the mouse would leave the cage and go to that cage, bringing a redstone signal with them.
The other use of cheese would be in cooking. The new cooking would require a new block, the oven. It would be made simply, with a smoker and a crafting table. The oven would just be a furnace with a crafting interface, by placing items in a 3 by 3, and then clicking a check, as well as adding fuel. Cheese would be used here. First, there would be pizza. This would be made by, from top left to bottom right, wheat, wheat, wheat, cheese, tomato, cheese, wheat, water bucket, and wheat. The bucket would be recoverable after the pizza is done. Pizza would be placed like cake, with four slices. Cake would be made using an oven as well, but there would be a change. Instead of three milk buckets, it would be two, with one piece of butter. Butter would be made with the churner, with normal milk and nothing else. However, different cakes could be made. The three wheat at the bottom would be changed for different cakes. The wheat in the middle would be switched with a carrot for carrot cake, cocoa for chocolate, and all the other fruits would make cakes or pies. Also, sandwiches would also be craftable.
The reason that there would be so much variety is a new bar under your xp. It would be your “happiness”. Eating different kinds of food, instead of the same exact thing, would make it go up more. Once its full, it gives you a minor boost in speed, resistance, damage, and mining speed. After 2 Minecraft days, which includes sleeping as the time in a day, it would go to half, and the next day, a 4th would be taken away, unless it was filled again. The 4th take away per day would stay until you filled it again, in which case it would become a half after 2 days again.
The second way that the food variety would help is with villagers. There would be a new slot in their trading area in which food would go. Each type of villager would like a certain type of food. After giving them some food, you couldn’t give them food until they have slept once. This food would also be separate from breeding food, which is collected by them when it is dropped. The food could make them have discounts on things. Also, baby villagers would like sweet things, and would give you an emerald if you dropped one, and two emeralds for a cake of any kind.
Lastly, something i forgot is that caves would have a new biome, similar to the new lush caves, except with mushrooms. There would be big mushrooms of both types. There would be mycelium as well, and both mushroom types. Moo shrooms might also live here. This would be so that mushrooms could be found easily. Like the lush caves, something would be over them. It would be a very tall brown mushroom.
Yeah, thats it. Please, whatever you find good here, and whatever you have thoughts on, please comment about it. Also, share this with others, because id like to see everyones thoughts on it.

A collection of ideas I REALLY want in the game.
So I was thinking after seeing tomatoes in Minecraft Live. Obviously, I thought pizza would be a fun idea. But then I realized you would need cheese, and that's where the idea sparked.
Introducing the churner. The recipe from upper left to bottom right would be; Leather, stick, leather, wood plank, stick, wood plank, iron ingot, barrel, iron ingot. The reason it has so many items in its recipe is because of how useful it is. It starts with cooked milk. Normal milk could be used to make butter, but I'll get to that later. You would place a milk bucket in a furnace to cook it. It wouldn't add any changes to drinking it, but you would use it on the churner. Then you had a choice. Add a red mushroom to get yogurt, or add a brown mushroom for cheese. This is because bacteria is used with milk for both of these, and there is no bacteria in Minecraft, so fungi was my next choice. It's Minecraft, after all, so it's not completely realistic. After adding cooked milk and a red mushroom, you would churn by using it with nothing in your hand for 5 seconds to get yogurt. You would use a bowl on it to harvest it. You could do a few things with yogurt, but this would come from yet another idea I have.
Many new berries would be added. The berries we have will become raspberries, and blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries would be added. Raspberries and blackberries are found in spruce forests, and strawberries and blueberries are found in oak forests, as well as near flower forests. There would also be new fruits. Oaks would always have apples, and would hang from leaves, similarly to how cocoa beans hang from trees. Bananas would grow from jungle trees. Peaches would grow from birches. Cherries would grow from dark oaks. If you have an idea for a fruit from a spruce, please comment it. Also comment if you have a better idea for a fruit here. Also, you could turn these fruits into the seeds for these trees, and the seeds would have the name of the tree. When you plant the seed, it would still work the same way as saplings do now, becoming a sapling immediately.
So, you could use these fruits, as well as cocoa beans, to flavor the yogurt. I will give the reason that there will be so much variety later. The other thing the churner would make is cheese. You would make this the exact same way as yogurt, but with a brown mushroom. You would then harvest it with your hand. Cheese will be used in two ways. The first will have to do with a new mob, mice. They would spawn in oak forests, and would be tamed the same way as a cat, with slow movements. All ocelots and cats, tamed or untamed, will attack an untamed mouse if standing, but tamed ocelots and cats will not attack tamed mice. The mouse would then follow you if you hold cheese. The tamed mouse would be used with a new block, the redstone cage. Before it works, you have to make a redstone collar using 1 leather and 1 redstone dust. You would use cheese on the cage to put cheese inside, and the mouse would go inside, and the door would close on them. When cheese is placed in another cage far away, the mouse would leave the cage and go to that cage, bringing a redstone signal with them.
The other use of cheese would be in cooking. The new cooking would require a new block, the oven. It would be made simply, with a smoker and a crafting table. The oven would just be a furnace with a crafting interface, by placing items in a 3 by 3, and then clicking a check, as well as adding fuel. Cheese would be used here. First, there would be pizza. This would be made by, from top left to bottom right, wheat, wheat, wheat, cheese, tomato, cheese, wheat, water bucket, and wheat. The bucket would be recoverable after the pizza is done. Pizza would be very good for hunger recovery. Cake would be made using an oven as well, but there would be a change. Instead of three milk buckets, it would be two, with one piece of butter. Butter would be made with the churner, with normal milk and nothing else. However, different cakes could be made. The three wheat at the bottom would be changed for different cakes. The wheat in the middle would be switched with a carrot for carrot cake, cocoa for chocolate, and all the other fruits would make cakes or pies. Also, sandwiches would also be craftable.
The reason that there would be so much variety is a new bar under your xp. It would be your “happiness”. Eating different kinds of food, instead of the same exact thing, would make it go up more. Once its full, it gives you a minor boost in speed, resistance, damage, and mining speed. After 2 Minecraft days, which includes sleeping as the time in a day, it would go to half, and the next day, a 4th would be taken away, unless it was filled again. The 4th take away per day would stay until you filled it again, in which case it would become a half after 2 days again.
The second way that the food variety would help is with villagers. There would be a new slot in their trading area in which food would go. Each type of villager would like a certain type of food. After giving them some food, you couldn’t give them food until they have slept once. This food would also be separate from breeding food, which is collected by them when it is dropped. The food could make them have discounts on things. Also, baby villagers would like sweet things, and would give you an emerald if you dropped one, and two emeralds for a cake of any kind.
Lastly, something i forgot is that caves would have a new biome, similar to the new lush caves, except with mushrooms. There would be big mushrooms of both types. There would be mycelium as well, and both mushroom types. Moo shrooms might also live here. This would be so that mushrooms could be found easily. Like the lush caves, something would be over them. It would be a very tall brown mushroom.
Yeah, thats it. Please, whatever you find good here, and whatever you have thoughts on, please comment about it. Also, share this with others, because id like to see everyones thoughts on it.

I'm not sure how I ended up with 23 BPAL scents to try, but here we are! I believe all of these are general catalog.
About me: I'm fairly new at this, though getting better. I like spices and resins and incense, conifers (spruce, pine, fir) go nasty and medicinal on my skin, and I seem to be the only person who finds musks unpleasant instead of sexy.
I get input from my husband and from my kids. I have four daughters: T is ten, K is seven, S and Z are four-year-old twins.
The scents I keep are loosely sorted into categories:

• Sweet But Psycho are straight resin/spice/incense blends
• Secretly A Goddess are perfumes that make me feel like a goddess - generally very rich, somewhat sweet perfumes
• Girl Next Door is for my-skin-but-better or scents that won't stand out as weird
• Got Married Barefoot is for quirky and outdoorsy scents
• I'm Not Like Other Girls, I Don't Like Florals is for floral scents I like, usually because the florals are balanced with resins or spices
• I Smell Like Magic is for herbal scents
• Scents I Love Until They Fade Unevenly And Leave Me Smelling Like A Cabinet is the self-explanatory (and saddest) category

Sed Non Satiata

(Latin for "never satisfied")
myrrh, red patchouli, cognac, honey, and tuberose and geranium over darkest body musk
In the vial: powdery, slightly sweet resin
On my skin: sweet resin. If I focus I can get whiffs of musk and florals, curling around the edges. Once it dries down, the resin, musk, and flowers are very carefully balanced. I can't decide whether I like the smell. It's seems like something a very wealthy person's bedroom would smell like.
This has excellent throw.

• Husband: that's nice! Very perfume-y
• T: I don't know, mint and pumpkin maybe?
• K: mmm! Bananas!
• S: smells like the spices one
• Z: smells like apples

Verdict: keep, Girl Next Door (maybe? Not sure about where this one belongs)

Incantation

vetiver, dark woods, crumbling and burnt black sandalwood and a drop of lemon rind
In the vial: sharp and resinous
On my skin: initially this smells a lot like pine. Conifers don't do well on my skin, so it isn't pine, but still. As it dries, it gets a little deeper and much rounder. The sharpness goes away and some almost floral notes start peeking out. It's a little powdery, in a soft, pleasant way.
Eventually it gets more woody, leaving a complex woody-grassy-medicinal thing that's just okay.

• Husband: that's pretty! I like it (smelled during the round stage)
• T: mint
• K: Ick!
• Z: my toy bat says it smells like zebras
• S: you're right, it's zebras!

Verdict: Love This Until It's A Cabinet

Inferno

cinnamon, bitter almond, and neroli
In the vial: sickly sweet cinnamon
In my skin: This smells like Big Red gum and vomit. Ew. I tried to make it through the drydown, but it was making me sick to my stomach. Instant scrubber.
Also it left my skin a little red from the cinnamon, though thankfully that didn't last long.
Verdict: Destash

Jezebel

honey, roses, orange blossom and sandalwood
In the vial: sweet and resinous
On my skin: still sweet and resinous. The sweetness feels almost fruity, with a husky quality that's very nice. As it dries, the huskiness comes forward and gets stronger, turning into a powdery musky floral smell that I don't like as much. I can still tell the other notes are there, and I think someone who isn't me would probably like this very much, but it's not for me.
The traces of rose that were left after I scrubbed this off were rather pleasant, so it's possible that I could like this if I diluted it enough. But it doesn't seem worth the effort.

• Husband: yeah, I don't like it either
• T: mint. Lots of it.
• K: I don't know
• S: smells a lot like the spices one

Verdict: Destash

The Apothecary

Tea leaf with three mosses, green grass, a medley of herbal notes, and a drop of ginger and fig
In the vial: thin and sour, like spray cleaner
On my skin: this smells like tea! It's a nice black tea on my skin. There's a faint sour undertone.
Over time, the tea is balanced by mossy green. It's a soft smell, like a moss-covered hut in the woods, surrounded by bird song and quiet, with a fresh water spring nearby. There's none of the sharpness of most woods scents, though. It's really nice.
This does fade faster than average.

• Husband: that's pleasant. It's okay.
• T: ew
• K: soap
• S: it doesn't really smell like anything
• Z: smells like melons.
• My dad: leatherish. Like sweet leather.
• My mom: smells like juicy melon and a flower garden with a glass of sweet Riesling. It's romantic and evokes a garden with a table for two and watching the hummingbirds. (This is my mom completely sober. Her tasting notes get even more elaborate with a glass of wine in her, so I'm planning to bring some perfumes to our beach trip to see whether her sniffing notes do the same.)

Verdict: Keep, Got Married Barefoot

The Lion

golden spiced amber
In the vial: warm spices, without any one spice being prominent enough to pick out.
On my skin: Still warm spices! Sometimes the cinnamon is recognizable, but most of the time the spices stay really well balanced. It reminds me a bit of SS Loggia, which makes sense as that is also amber and spices. Loggia fades unevenly, leaving me smelling like a cabinet for hours, so this may be sort of an upgrade.
As it dries down the amber wakes up and the spices quiet down, leaving an almost musky scent that's very lion-colored. Over time it becomes inflexible and masculine and I sort of start feeling like a cabinet. I'll have to try it on my husband.

• Husband: that's really nice! It feels like what I imagine it would be like walking through an African jungle. (I will note that he did not know the name of the perfume when he said that!)
• T: reminds me of peaches or oranges. Something citrus.
• K: peppermint? There might be a bit of chocolate
• S: it smells like the spices one. Can you put it on me?
• Z: yum!

I did try it on my husband later. It smells mostly the same on him (perhaps a little more mellow) and we both agree it suits him better.
Verdict: Love This Until It's A Cabinet

Dragon's Heart

dragon's blood resin, red and black musks, a throb of fig and a sliver of black currant
In the vial: dusty cough syrup
On my skin: initially this is very dusty, but it's an interesting dusty scent. That's probably the musks? As it dried down, it sort smells like sunscreen, which is less than ideal. Possibly expired sunscreen. It's eventually balanced by something resiny and nice, but I'm mostly not impressed.
Long term, it wasn't too bad, as I got whiffs of the berry and resin during the day, like Blood Kiss but not as sexy. Smelling it up close was still unpleasant, but I didn't feel the need to scrub it off. Still, this is going in the destash pile.
I think it's the musks I'm disliking, rather than the dragon's blood, so I may try another in the series.
Edit, six weeks later: I happened to get an imp of Dragon's Blood, and it turns out Dragon's Blood is definitely sunscreen on me. So I won't be trying any more from this series.

• Husband: it's okay.
• T: mint. Lots of it.
• K: really strong mint
• S: it smells like the spice flower
• Z: it smells like perfume

My sister usually likes the perfumes that are too dark and heavy for me, but this was sunscreen on her, too. So it goes in the destash pile.
Verdict: Destash

Kill-Devil

(Kill-Devil used to be a nickname for rum punch)
Sugar cane, molasses, oak wood, and honey
In the vial: smells like root beer candies
On my skin: dark wood and purring spices. The spices are complex enough that I can't pull out individual notes. I can't decide whether I like this or not. There's something kind of sharp and earthy coming through also. Dark woods are a little tricky on my skin, but this is blending together nicely.
I've decided I do like this. I still can't detect individual notes, but the whole is warm and friendly and sultry. It's sort of a husky spiced caramel now.

• Husband: that's nice. It reminds me of rosewater. It's very different from the other perfumes that I've rated highly, but I quite enjoy this one.
• T: smells like Black Vanilla, but not really. (She means Hexennacht Black Vanilla, which is amber and vanilla. It smells like cake on me but it's rather nice on her.)
• K: ugh. I don't know.
• S: it smells like the same as yesterday morning. (I was wearing Arcana's Her Tribe, which is woody floral with a resin undertone. I guess she's noticing the wood?)
• Z: smells like potatoes

Verdict: Keep, Girl Next Door

Tlazolteotl

(named after the Aztec goddess of death, life, fertility, and sex)
chapapote and black copal with cacao, black honey, maize, and cotton blossoms
This was one of my first indie perfumes. I selected it as part of a Sunday Swap order, more or less at random.
I didn't like it at first; my sister and I compared it to burned curry with cocoa powder the first time we tried it. But my husband liked it a lot (it's still one of his favorites on me) so I gave it another shot. After a couple of wears, it sort of clicked together in my head.
In the vial: earthy and sharp, and the asphalt comes through strongly.
On my skin: I am not at all sure how to describe this. I can smell the asphalt, but it combines with the cacao and the other notes (I think I can barely make out the resin) to make a sultry, gritty richness that's kind of amazing. It's dirty and strong and sexy.
This visibly separates in the bottle, but it's nothing that I can't fix by shaking or rolling it.

• Husband: it's pleasant. It's woody, with some nice complexity.
• T: smells like mint mixed with pumpkin
• K: mostly mint. I kind of like it.
• S: same thing as K.
• Z: smells like cucumbers.

Verdict: Keep, Secretly A Goddess

Fallen

Cherubic white sandalwood and golden musk with a dark halo of amber, a breath of imperial florals, unbending woods, and the shadow cast by vetiver and violet
In the vial: sort of smells like white grapes, with a little bit of wood and amber underneath
On my skin: this is what I've been wanting musk to smell like, actually. It's subtle and smooth and rich. I don't really get individual notes, other than maybe some resin in the amber.

• Husband: it's nice! I like that. It makes me feel happy.
• T: mostly smells like mint.
• K: a little like bananas, actually.
• Z: I don't know
• S: it smells like everything in the whole entire world. And I don't like it.

Verdict: keep, Girl Next Door

Croquet

Pink lime, pink grapefruit, white nectarine, wild rose, sage, woody patchouli, bergamot, and ornery hedgehog musk
In the vial: surprisingly complex citrus - I definitely can pick out both lemon and grapefruit, with floral and musky undertones.
On my skin: while this was wet, the musk seemed overwhelming, especially from arm's length. Up close I got more of the citrus. Once dry, it's a little more balanced between musk and citrus, but overall the effect is a little bit car freshener.
In my hair: since my husband liked this one, and it was quite nice in the bottle, I tried putting it in my hair. It seemed to fade faster that way - though perhaps I didn't put enough in - but it did keep that lovely complex citrus scent.

• Husband: that's pleasant, like you got out of the shower.
• T: smells like an orange, or something citrus.
• K: mint and peppermint. I don't know if I like it, but it's kind of weirdo-cool.
• S: is that the same as me? It smells like roses. (today she asked to wear a perfume, and I gave her a dot of Skin Like Butter Honeysuckle, which she said smelled like roses. This would be more reassuring if she hadn't said last week that fresh roses in the neighbor's yard smelled like potatoes.)
• Z: it smells like magnets.

Verdict: keep, Got Married Barefoot

Luke 10:25-37

This is from their activism series, created in response to politicians attempting to use the Bible to justify the human rights violations related to the Mexican border. The passage in question covers the greatest commandments (love God and love your neighbor) and the story of the good Samaritan.
golden amber and saffron, white sandalwood, and clove
In the vial: amber, sandalwood, maybe some spices
On my skin: this is a my skin but sexier on me - creamy sandalwood that blends with my skin. The clove comes out as it dries down. It's rather nice, but not particularly interesting.
I tried this again, a week later, and it seems to be shifting slightly. The sandalwood and clove are more balanced now, and there's a little more depth and complexity than there was. It's still not amazing, but I'll be interested to see if it changes more as it ages.

• Husband: pleasant but kind of boring.
• T: I have no idea!
• K: me neither!
• Z: smells like strawberries.
• S: smells like asparaguses.

Verdict: keep, Sweet But Psycho

Veritas

frankincense, white carnation, angelica, chamomile, and heliotrope
In the vial: richness, like honey and gold and garlands of purple flowers
On my skin: this gets confusing and sharp for a few minutes before settling back down to be that same golden richness. It's dreamy and floral and maybe just a touch powdery.

• Husband: it's very - not floral, it reminds me of a specific bush but I don't remember what. It's like a walk in a park.
• T: I don't know.
• K: a little like onions, but mostly minty
• S: I already smelled that! (she hadn't)

Verdict: keep, Not Like Other Girls Florals

Nocturne

Deepest violet touched with lilac and tuberose
This was a free sample (actually it was a free sample added to a pack of free samples, because the culture at the BPAL forum is very generous). Violets aren't usually my choice, but I gave it a shot.
On my skin: Violet smells like fancy soap to me, and this does too, but there's some nice lightness and freshness there. It's still soap, but it's really expensive floral soap.

• Husband: yeah, no thanks
• T: That is weird.
• K: I'm not sure. I like it.
• S: It doesn't really smell like anything.
• Z: I don't know.

Verdict: Destash

Snake Oil (aged)

The BPAL signature scent: deep, rich earthy notes swirled with vegetal musks, sugared vanilla bean, and dark spices
I am not sure how aged, but perhaps a couple of years, judging by the paper label.
In the vial: spicy and interesting
On my skin: musky with a hint of spice. Way too much musk for me, actually. The fresh version might be better.

• Husband: it's pleasant, but a little too sweet, like someone added too much sugar and lost the complexity.
• T: smells like some sort of flower. It's very nice.
• K: a little like tomatoes and maybe a cooking smell.
• S: it smells like asparaguses.
• Z: I don't know.

I tried it on T, but it smells very clean on her, like a clean vanilla. It's very odd.
Verdict: Destash (or it would be, but this was basically a sniffie to begin with)

Hetairae

golden honey, fiery patchouli, sweet fig and clove, and a touch of ylang ylang
I was quite excited to try this, because I repeatedly read The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody by Will Cuppy when I was younger (and I'm still very fond of it) and it mentions the hetaera Aspasia in the chapter about Pericles.
On my skin: this opens with lots of honey, with some resin grounding it. The notes say it's patchouli and ylang ylang, but it smells more like myrrh. It actually reminds me strongly of what Carousel fades to. As it dried down, the honey and myrrh are joined by some hints of raisin, which is sort of fascinating. I feel like it fits the name well - lush and rich and Mediterranean.
After a couple of hours, it fades to a honey musk on my skin, which I don't like nearly as much. I suspect Carousel will win this round.

• Husband: sweet and floral, but not overbearing.
• T: smells like a pumpkin to me.
• K: there's tomatoes and lime and a tiny bit of lemon
• S: smells like houses.
• Z: smells like pictures.

Verdict: keep, Secretly A Goddess

Aperotos Eros

Unloving love: benzoin, Indian musk, massoia bark, myrrh, ambrette seed, galbanum, bergamot, and fir
In the vial: it smells like Tiger Balm
On my skin: initially it's really sharp and fierce - spruce turns really medicinal on my skin, so I was a little concerned that the fir might also. Once dry, I smell musk and fir and maybe some spice and powder but it's kind of generally unpleasant.
I tried this on my husband, in case my skin was doing weird things with the fir. On him it's round and pungent and musky, but still not something either of us found interesting.
On my sister, it smells like musk and black tea and is very elegant. Skin chemistry is very strange sometimes, but I was glad she liked it.

• Husband: a bit flowery with a hint of cleaning fluid.
• T: smells like mint.
• K: smells a little like smoke. With maybe some radish.
• S: it smells like potatoes.

Verdict: Destash

Tushnamatay

(named after the Persian goddess of thought and meditation)
the ultimate meditative blend
In the vial: faintly minty or menthol-y, maybe
On my skin: this seems to be really light on my skin. Like I can barely smell it. What I smell is nice - sort of a nutty or woody vanilla, like SS Manor but a bit cooler. I added a second drop.
With the second drop, I can make out a little bit of a minty edge under the nutty vanilla. I applied some Manor for comparison, and they definitely share a kinship in my mind, like Manor is a warm orange and Tushanamatay is a cool, sharp orange.
Over time it gets sharper and less pleasant before fading back to that nutty vanilla smell.

• Husband: smells kind of like diapers, fresh out of the package. It's a smell I'm very familiar with. (Husband also thought it had nothing in common with Manor, so maybe that's just me.)
• T: smells like socks that just came out of the laundry. A good smell, but still a little dirty. (I would like to state for the record that a) her socks are perfectly clean, thank you very much, and b) I don't use any scented laundry products)
• K: kind of like peppermint and radishes and a little corn.
• S: it smells like potatoes. No, it smells like mushrooms and potatoes.

My sister tried it and said it smelled like the fragrance they add to "unscented" laundry soap so the clothes will smell clean
Verdict: Destash

Tzadikim Nistarim

(means "the hidden righteous ones" in Hebrew, drawn from a Kabbalistic story of thirty-six righteous men who prevent God from destroying the world)
frankincense, olive, spikenard, hyssop and galangal
In the vial: smells like Coke
On my skin: it almost smells minty - not the sharp refreshing of true mint, but the smooth cool herbal freshness of the filling in After Eights. (Side note, I once had After Eight ice cream and it was wonderful.) Sadly, as it dried down, it smells like spray cleaner on me. Like, I can smell the frankincense and the grounding olive note, but they smell like a cleaner somehow. This gets more earthy as it fades.

• Husband: (in reply to the spray-cleaner remark) yeah, a little bit! There's also a candle wax note.
• T: smells like cupcakes to me, for some reason.
• K: I'm not sure.
• S: smells like potatoes!
• Z: mushrooms

This smelled like frankincense on my sister. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything interesting either. Neither of us are getting the fruitiness mentioned in other reviews.
I then tried it on a friend, and she got some of the warm fruitiness. She said it smelled like Christmas at a masseuse's office.
Verdict: Destash

Bastet

Luxuriant amber, warm Egyptian musk, fierce saffron and soft myrrh, almond, cardamom and golden lotus
In the vial: cardamom, but sort of a sharp cardamom. Smells a little spruce-y, which is a bad sign for me
On my skin: it smelled like a spicy car freshener for a second, which worried me a bit, but then it settled into a dark, dirty cardamom smell. It's a dry smell that makes me think of curling tree bark. After a bit the cardamom is balanced by the other notes (I get amber and musk now, and I think saffron? maybe some almond in the background), but it's still a dark, dry, curling scent.
This has a longish dry-down time, but once dry, the almond has come out, smoothing it out into a nice, dark, buttery wood. It's not as complex now, and it's faded a lot.
I didn't like this nearly as much once it was dry. The almond/wood scent lasted for quite some time, but wasn't nearly as nice.
Applying fresh perfume on top of the faded perfume was actually pretty good! It's a more buttery cardamom that way, with an undercurrent of musk and faint florals. But I'm not sure I'd be willing to apply every hour to keep it up.
I gave this one a second try. It seemed muskier and darker and much less pleasant this time. Hormones, maybe? Not sure if I'll keep this.

• Husband: that's nice. Kind of intense.
• T: some sort of spice, I don't know which.
• K: kind of like peppermint, not really sure what else
• Z: mmmm! I don't know what it is.
• S: it smells like mayonnaise.

Verdict: Love This Until It's A Cabinet

51

(named after Area 51)
green mandarin, neroli, honeydew, white amber, guava, freesia, white and green musks hovering over desert scrub, smashed wood, and the dry, biting scent of night air over the Groom Lake salt flats
In the vial: ambiguously perfume-y
On my skin: hmm. It's quite light (in smell-color, not in impact) - I get florals (freesia, maybe?) and a little musk and maybe some melon. It's actually quite well-rounded, with a nice richness and depth, but I don't like it for me.
A couple hours later, the melon has faded, leaving florals and musk. The salt comes through a bit now.
It's just not for me. Really, if I wanted to smell like fruity florals, I'd still be shopping at Ulta.

• Husband: I kinda liked it at first, but it's not as good now that I can smell it properly
• T: mint.
• K: mint!
• S: um, I don't know.
• Z: mmm, smells like food

Verdict: Destash

Carousel

glowing amber and heady cinnamon, the green of growing things and the white of thunderclaps, sweet myrrh and sacred styrax, forest moss and blood-soaked battlefields, papyrus and clay, rose petals, wildflowers, abbatoirs, and honey
In the vial: cinnamon, maybe some resins
On my skin: initially it smelled like Joan Jett's Crimson and Clover, with cinnamon and clover and tangled notes underneath. As it dried, the cinnamon mellowed out and the clover and myrrh came forward, and maybe the honey? I'm bad at picking out honey. It's soft and sweet and husky. Over the next few hours, the cinnamon faded entirely, leaving clover blossoms and honey and myrrh, and then honey and myrrh. It still retained that husky quality - musk isn't mentioned in the notes (unless it's part of "blood-soaked battlefields") but it might be a musk note. I'm not sure I like this so much. It's a little sweet for my taste after the first couple hours.

• Husband: it smells like a meadow.
• T: smells like alcohol to me (She's probably thinking of either JD Tennessee honey or my husband's favorite cognac. The honey liqueur would make more sense)
• K: yeah, a lot like alcohol (she didn't like it)
• Z: mushrooms! And potatoes.
• S: pumpkins and potatoes. (cue ten second squabble about the existence of pumpkins)

Verdict: keep, Secretly A Goddess

Blood Kiss

Lush, creamy vanilla and the honey of the sweetest kiss smeared with the vital throb of husky clove, swollen red cherries, but darkened with the vampiric sensuality of vetiver, soporific poppy and blood red wine, and a skin-light pulse of feral musk
Early tries: the first time I tried this I told one friend it was incense-y cough syrup, and another it was like having a Ricola cough drop and a glass of red wine at the same time. It took a while to come together in my head.
On my skin: This smells like sexy spiced wine. It's lush and rich and makes me feel like a goddess. There's honey, there's clove, there's cherry, there's probably a soft musk binding it together. It's very strong and overwhelming for the first fifteen minutes or so, and then it dries and fades to a more normal level. My husband says he loses the wine and only gets clove after it's dry, though it's still interesting and pleasant so I suspect he gets the honey and musk as well. I can still smell the wine/cherry notes, so to me it's weaker but not less complex.
This also has remarkable staying power - I was still catching whiffs of it twelve hours later.

• Husband: it's spicy, but not sharp - is that nutmeg?
• T: I have no idea. Sort of reminds me of pumpkins.
• K: it's like.....pumpkin spice, and a little bit of tea
• Z: mmmm, I don't know but it's nice
• S: I don't know!

Verdict: keep, Secretly A Goddess

Hi, veteran Minecraft console player here.
First, I would like to apologize in advance for the incorrect flair. There is no discussion or suggestion flair as far as I know...
So, I've been playing since Minecraft Xbox 360 edition and recently remembered how in that version of the game, there were tooltips that would appear on the top right corner of the screen to better explain how a block or item worked. And if I were to be honest, I kinda miss those.
So I was thinking we could bring them back next update to help out newer players who are just getting their little square feet on the grass blocks running for the first time by explaining how certain blocks and items work while at the same time hopefully getting a chuckle or two out of them. Below are some examples I thought of that could be potentially implemented into the next update of the game...
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- Tools/Weapons/Equipment -
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- Wooden Sword
"It ain't much, but it's better than your bare fists. Just watch out for splinters or at least have a pair of tweezers handy. Slightly increases melee attack damage."
​
- Stone Sword
"When subtlety isn't needed, beat it with a sword made out of some rocks you found underground. Increases melee attack damage."
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- Iron Sword
"Cuts through the creatures of the night like a hot knife through butter. Moderately increases melee attack damage."
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- Golden Sword
"It's more of a Gilded Sword if anything, but who am I to judge? Slightly increases melee attack damage."
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- Diamond Sword
"Just about the sharpest thing you can imagine. Unless you're talking about cheddar. ...which you often are. Greatly increases melee attack damage."
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- Netherite Sword
"It's almost unfair to bring this thing into battle. Increases melee attack damage IMMENSELY."
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- Wooden Pickaxe
"Are you seriously still trying to mine stone with your fists? This will prove a definitely good substitute. Allows mining of stone-related blocks and coal ores."
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- Stone Pickaxe
"A good step up from those twigs you threw together to vaguely resemble a pickaxe. Allows mining of stone, lapis lazuli, and iron-related blocks."
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- Iron Pickaxe
"Fashioned from molten iron into a miner's most essential tool. Allows for mining of stone blocks, iron blocks, and other different ores underground.
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- Golden Pickaxe
"A special tool for a special someone. Doesn't last very long though... Allows for mining of stone-related blocks and coal ores."
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- Diamond Pickaxe
"A fine trophy indeed for an adventurous adventurer the likes of yourself. Can mine much stronger blocks like Obsidian and Ancient Debris."
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- Netherite Pickaxe
"The concentrated power of Nether energy sends your mining game into overdrive! Mines just about anything and fast!"
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- Golden Axe
"I feel like this is a reference to something... Chops down trees and other wood-related blocks faster than with your bare hands."
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- Diamond Hoe
"You can't put loyalty on a diamond hoe. ...believe me, I tried. Used to till grass blocks into farmland to grow crops. Just be sure you got some seeds to plant first!"
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- Fishing Rod (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"A classic item, perfect for tricking fish to come out of the water and into your inventory. Used to catch fish, and may also catch some other items if you're lucky enough..."
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- Torch
"A miner's best friend (at least since your actual best friend was blown up by a Creeper...). Lights up dark area when placed and prevents spawning of hostile mobs."
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- Water Bucket
"'Water' you gonna do with this? Use this to place water in a location of your desire."
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- Lava Bucket
"Perfect for playing 'The Floor Is Lava' for keeps! Use this to place lava in a location of your desire."
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- Shield (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"A bit of portable protection never hurt anyone! ...except maybe that skeleton you hit with its own arrow. Used to block attacks from projectiles and melee attacks."
​
- Elytra (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"The power of flight is out of your reach no more when you strap this on! Used to glide long distances from a high altitude. Fireworks can also give you a boost, if they aren’t the explosive kind."
​
- Materials -
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- Coal
"A really hot rock. I mean "hot" as in attractive. What did you think I meant? Essential for furnace fuel but also great for making torches out of the sticks you found."
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- Iron Ore
"Melt this rock down in a furnace to get your hands on the juicy insides. Can be smelted in a furnace to get iron ingots."
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- Gold Ore
"What treasures lie in the center of this rock? Oh, wait. The name already says... Can be smelted in a furnace to get gold ingots."
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- Diamond
"A source of unimaginable wealth found within the deepest caves of the Overworld. A shame that currency is practically meaningless here... Can be used to craft weapons, tools, armor, and other items."
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- Ancient Debris
"Super valuable once you gather enough and smelt it down to combinable scrap! Right now, it's kind of 'whatever...' Found rarely underground in veins in the Nether."
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- Netherite Ingot
"An extremely rare mineral possessed with strength, durability, and let's not forget a pinch of pure evil. Created by combining Netherite Scrap with Gold Ingots and used to make tools, armor, and unique blocks."
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- Stick
"Playing "pick-up-sticks" as a kid is somehow more fun than actually picking up these sticks... Usable in a number of different crafting recipes such as weapons or tools."
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- Bone
"Bones are so useful for so many things! That's why there's so many of them inside you... Can be broken down to Bonemeal or used to tame wild wolves."
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- Gunpowder
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Put it in your cereal! Just kidding, blow stuff up! Used to craft explosive items or as a brewing ingredient in a potion brewing stand."
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- Natural Blocks -
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- Bedrock
"Contrary to popular opinion, these do NOT make good beds. Unless you got some sheetrock to go with it... An indestructible block that cannot be broken through normal means."
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- Grass
"Nature's carpet. She might make you take your shoes off... Used to build structures and plant flowers and tree saplings. Can grow on nearby dirt blocks.
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- Dirt
"An essential ingredient for mud pies. Used to build structures and plant flowers and tree saplings."
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- Ice
"Although you tend to lick every block you find, please, don't do it to this one. A slippery block that causes mobs and players alike to slip and slide. Can be packed into stronger ice."
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- Crafted Blocks -
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- Oak Planks
"It just drives you crazy whenever the grain is misaligned. Can be used to build structures or in a number of different crafting recipes."
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- Oak Stairs
"Now you're going places! (Likely upstairs.) Can be used to build structures or a proper staircase so you don't need to keep spamming the jump button."
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- Oak Fence
"You could have sworn the grass was greener on the other side of this thing. A must-have for keeping chickens in their place to prevent the uprising, or just containing mobs in general."
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- Crafting Stations -
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- Crafting Table
"Using your teeth will only get you so far. Use this to craft more advance items from the materials you gathered."
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- Furnace
"The hottest thing on the crafting market! Use this block to cook food and melt down ores and other items or just to warm up your hot cocoa. You'll first need some fuel to get it started though."
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- Blast Furnace (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"Tired of waiting for that huge stack of ore to finally smelt? Give this thing a whirl then! Used to smelt ores much faster, but it can’t cook food."
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- Smoker (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"Why are you still wasting time with that old furnace? Can be used to cook food much faster, but can’t smelt anything else."
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- Smithing Table (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"Grab your hammer, your Netherite ingots and your Diamond tools! Used to transform diamond tools into Netherite tools with the power of the Netherite ingots."
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- Storage Blocks -
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- Chest
"'Wood''nt it be great you if stored your goods inside me? -The Chest. Used to store items inside."
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- Ender Chest
"A compact storage vault that can be accessed from literally anywhere! It must use a series of tubes... Allows for item storage like a normal chest, but you can place another one down and access those same items anywhere in the world! Even in other dimensions!"
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- Shulker Box (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"It’s really annoying moving items, since you have to pick up the chests and put them elsewhere and go through the whole hassle of relocating everything that was inside of it. With this puppy, no longer! Breaking this item will allow you to pick it up and the contents inside, mess free!"
​
- Furniture -
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- Oak Door
"Were you raised in a barn?! Shut that door! (I still dunno what that saying means.) Can be used by players and some mobs to open and close pathways."
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- Iron Door
"Stark himself would approve. A special door that only opens when a redstone signal it's connected to is active."
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- Oak Fence Gate
"Creaks like a stereotypically haunted house door. Typical... A fence that functions in a similar manner as a door. Best used in conjunction with nearby fences."
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- Bed
"Sure beats sleeping on that wood plank floor by a longshot. Use this when its night time to skip to morning. Also serves as your respawn location should some fatal calamity befall you."
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- Other -
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- TNT
"Make the world your action movie set! (Preferably one NOT directed by Michael Bay) Place this down and light the fuse with Flint & Steel or a redstone signal to blow up anything in the surrounding area. Just be careful not to be near it when it actually goes off."
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- Dragon Egg (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"Well, great job for getting the egg. What it does? Umm... hey, it does look pretty cool, don’t you think?"
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- Firework (Credit: u/Ilikefame2020)
"A truly fascinating sight to see at night. Can be made from gunpowder, paper, and a few other items for a customized, colorful explosion!"
​
But hey, that's just me and what I'm thinking could be added in the game to maybe help out new players or refresh older ones returning to the game. If you got any more, feel more than free to put them in the comments!